Setting Boundaries
Family Moments — By Dr. Mommy on June 16, 2009 at 9:49 am
Do you set boundaries in your home? Are there rules that everyone must follow? Are your children aware of the rules of your home?
As a mother of 5 children it is imperative to have rules in our home. My husband and I decided long ago, we would have certain boundaries that had to be instilled in order to have a healthy relationship.
I always chuckle when I hear parents tell me that their children are too young, that they will wait until they grow up to instill rules and boundaries. I then ask them what age is appropriate to instill rules and they then look at me with confusion.
Rules, boundaries, manners all fall under the same category. A child can be taught to say hello and good-bye, please and thank-you as early as age 2. Many 3 year-olds are ready to learn not to speak with food in their mouths, not to sing at the dinner table and how to hold a fork or spoon. If you notice, the rules are enforced or rather taught and instilled at a young age, and progressively grow with their age and their aptitude. By the time they are teens they are aware of the family rules and will graciously perform their chores, observe rules of safety, refrain from being sassy and the list goes on.
It is important to interact with our children as early as birth. Our Lord has lent these children to us for a short time in order for us to train and nurture them. Developing people skills will enhance our children’s future in all areas.
It’s sad to see some parents try to become friends with their children. Sad, because that is truly not our role as parents. Communication is very important and our children need to have someone to come to with their questions and problems. I noticed this action first hand with my older child’s friends. I noticed the parents trying to be ‘best friends’ with their daughters and sons. Unfortunately, these parents are confused. They are not aware of their roles as parents. The children need boundaries, and are actually crying out for help with their actions. Quite often the teen is embarrassed by their parent’s behavior and the lack of respect comes into play. Now, please don’t misunderstand, you can and should have fun with your children of all ages, but they must also understand that you are the parent and not a friend.
They will not always like your decisions or rules, but must still obey them. How often did you like your parent’s rules? I did not like all the rules, but also knew that they were needed and appreciate the fact that my parents enforced them. Some of course were a bit outrageous, but we were not to question the rules, we were to obey and honor our parents.
So, my question to you is this: Do you have rules and boundaries in your home? Having rules will prepare your children for the ‘real world’ that is composed of many rules and boundaries. By having clear boundaries, you children will learn what rules are – that yes means yes and no means no. More importantly the boundaries that we set become vital reference points for our children when they will need to set up self-imposed boundaries as young adults.
Teaching your child early will help them in understanding and becoming wonderful and loving young adults.
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