My Life in Prospective

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but am hoping and praying that I am making the right choices.  I feel like I am in the clouds most of the time.

I don’t know if you have read my previous posts about my past but it has not been an easy road.  But, I would imagine everyone has skeletons in their closet to an extent.  However, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and feel that the Lord is leading me down a certain path.  Now, I have not been one to always listen to reasoning, guess it’s the rebel in me.  But, I have had to deal with a lot of trials and tribulations in my life and now feel that there is a purpose and reason for it all.

I have always been one to wonder what, if any, was the reasoning behind my past, but have realized now that it has all been part of God’s plan.  I may not like it at the time, but know that in the long run it is for the best.  When I decided to go to school to pursue a career, I thought that it would be all perfect when I was a career woman.  But, all that changed when the Lord put a wonderful man in my life.  This man changed my life and made me realize that I was special and had many gifts.  I just had to open my eyes and heart and I would see them too.  Of course, I thought he was NUTS, but loved him none the less.

I continued with my studies with all the intentions of still becoming a career woman, but again, apparently that was not God’s plan, because I became pregnant.  It was a wonderful miracle, because I never thought I would have children since I was very ‘career driven’.  Of course, that changed my life.  I started to think that being a mom would be much more satisfying; and I was right.  I have since had 5 children and each one very special.  Needless to say, my career path changed and I am a home school mom to 5 children and love it.

But, yes, but…I still felt that I should be doing something.  I am always one to keep busy and feel energized when I am busy at something.  So of course, involved myself heavily in our church.  That was extremely satisfying and loved it as well.  I loved working with children and teaching them and watching them grow in the faith.  But, I still felt that God was not done with me.  I kept looking and searching.  I felt somewhat of a failure because I did not work in the field I studied so hard to pursue.  I know that I am not a failure, because I was very successful when I did work, but did not feel satisfied.

Very strange how God works.  Because, although He has given me many talents of arts and design, apparently that was not the path for me either.  I designed and made jewelry for many years and was able to contribute to the family expenses but still didn’t feel like it was the path the Lord was leading me to. Not until now.  The Lord has lead me to a place where I am incorporating all my studies and yet not leaving the family I adore.  I am able to share my God given talents and still home school my children and stay close to them.  I am able to teach the public, which is very satisfying to me.

I am at a wonderful place in my life at the moment.  I have a wonderful husband who puts up with my craziness, 5 beautiful children and a very loving and patient God.  I feel like the Lord has led me to writing, which has actually been my first love.  But something I thought I could not do and my parents didn’t help either..  I feel like I have gained a perspective in my life and it is all because I have put my trust in the Lord and actually listened to Him and followed His word.  At times it was not easy and it’s still not easy but I know that I must listen and not be a ’stubborn child’.

I feel much happier and much more at ease because I am able to share my talents with others and help out my family as well, which is all I ever truly wanted to do.  I wanted to feel like I had a purpose and although many may think I have a perfect life, we never feel that we do.  But, I feel blessed and although it may not be perfect all the time, it is most of the time and that is all a woman can ask for.  And this time the clouds I am in are those with the Lord.

The Chronicles continue….

Tags: career, clouds, Faith, family, God, My Life, path, prospective, writing